Finding The Light
by Hoping-For-A-Miracle
Summary: Liz once had that perfect life, if only for a short while. Will she ever get that again?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I know I have two unfinished stories and I will get to them eventually but I haven't read any stories with Liz' ex, Nick, and I was given amazing ideas involving him and I really wanted to write it so thank you red lighting, here it is!**

"You didn't want us to have our own child which I could understand that since you wanted to adopt and I fully supported your decision, but now you don't want that either? What the hell is going on, Liz?"

By this point Liz wasn't even listening anymore, she was sick of the arguments that Tom kept starting every time something baby related popped up, they were all the same anyway. Ever since she pulled out of the adoption Tom had been trying to push her towards starting a family traditionally. He always brought up the fact that there was nothing wrong with either of them and if she didn't want to adopt then they could have their own child. Liz thought that she had wanted a child, to adopt one that is. She had always told Tom it was because she was adopted and wanted to give a child a family like Sam had and of course that was the reason, just not all of it. She could not bear to lose another child of her own and if she had one with Tom, who was to say that their child wouldn't be taken either?

 _Years prior_

"And here she is! Ten toes and ten fingers, let's just clean her up a bit then would you like to hold her?" Liz could only nod as tears streamed down her face. _She's beautiful._ Her life wasn't perfect, her and Nick were having some problems and the pregnancy was a complete surprise but now that she was here none of that really mattered. Looking up, Liz squeezed Nick's hand gently and gave him a small smile which quickly fell as she saw his face, he still didn't believe her.

Just before she became pregnant, she met Tom. She noticed him at a friend's party and they became fast friends soon after and not long after that, Nick got jealous. It only took three weeks of Tom knowing Liz for him to accuse her of cheating and that was when the problems started. A few months later and he still didn't believe her and that was when she said she was pregnant, thinking that that would put his mind at ease. But it didn't. He thought that the baby was Tom's even though Liz promised that Tom had left for some business for a few months before she was pregnant and that they had never slept together. Throughout the pregnancy this continued and now sitting with him in the delivery room, Liz knew that he still doubted her. But it wasn't until a month later that he dropped the bombshell, Tom had gotten in touch recently, he still didn't know that Liz had been pregnant and now had a little girl and she was expecting the suitcase to be about that. She had put Katie down to sleep an hour ago and she herself was starting to fall asleep on the sofa until she heard thuds coming from upstairs. Turning around she saw Nick dragging a suitcase down the stairs and her heart stopped, she didn't think their relationship was that broken.

"Nick?" she jumped up from the sofa as he made his way out the front door, they had to at least talk before he just left her and their daughter.

"I'm sorry Liz but I can't do this, I thought I could but I can't. I don't believe that Katie is Tom's and I shouldn't have been so mistrusting but this isn't fair on either of us." They were now standing on the driveway in front of their house and Liz couldn't believe what she was hearing. If he didn't care about Tom then why was he leaving?

"I don't understand if it isn't Tom then what? What isn't fair?"

"I know we have Katie now and I will stay in touch but I can't stay, I don't love you anymore." And there it was. Just five words to end it all. Liz thought the problem had been Tom but this had just completely blindsided her, when did this happen and why didn't he say anything? That's it, no warning? But before Liz could ask him any of those questions he was pulling out in his car and heading down the street. She immediately pulled her phone out and dialled his number. _Number disconnected._

He had already thought it all through without telling her and he was never going to call. She didn't fight the tears as she stood alone in the street, but as she turned around again she knew she had to get back inside and check on Katie. Now she was all she had left.

Seconds later screams filled the house as Liz ran about looking for her daughter. This could not be happening; she was out for two minutes how could she be gone? It was evident that someone took her but why, how? She didn't know the answers; just that she had to find Katie.

 _Present_

Thinking back to that time, Liz held back the tears. She had never found Katie. The motives and the kidnappers behind it all were never found even when she joined the FBI. She had hoped she could find something when she got the job, she had believed that she was still alive despite what everyone had told her but now, sitting in the kitchen arguing with Tom, she struggled to believe Katie was alive. A year after that incident she and Tom found their way back to each other and she thought she could have her old life back but now she was feeling like she was going around in circles. A few months after she was swept off her doorstep by Agent Ressler, Tom touched on the subject that all of her late nights were spent not at work, but with Ressler and Liz couldn't help but laugh at the accusation as she and Ressler didn't even like each other. Even though now they had become great partners, now friends it still wasn't true but Tom still added it to the list of things to argue about with her.

"Is that it? You don't want to adopt because you're with that Boy Scout?" and so it continued…

"Look, Tom, for the hundredth time now we aren't involved with each other okay? With everything that is happening right now with the job and the fact that you obviously don't trust me I don't think it is the right time for a child!" Tom didn't even offer an argument back as he stormed off with his coat like he did most times when the fought, she didn't know where he went but he was always on the sofa the morning after full of apologies and the old "we'll get through this" speech. After every fight Liz believed less and less in that speech, especially since Red had warned her about him and told her he wasn't who she thought he was even though she wasn't sure what he was talking about. But secrets can't always be kept forever.

 **A/N: it does and doesn't follow the script of the show since there are bits from episodes but I've already railroaded a bit… Hope you enjoyed it so far, thanks again to red lighting for the story ideas I'm excited to continue!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay I lost the original version of this chapter and I rewrote it really quickly from memory so apologies for any mistakes and if it's not to a great standard. Hope you enjoy!**

"Ready to head out?"

Liz's head jerked up at the sound of her partner's voice, the day had been exhausting and she was relieved to be finishing work early for once.

"Yup just let me get my stuff and we can leave." Liz replied as she stuffed the reports in her bag and picked up her coat. They had collared another blacklister after weeks of searching and Liz wasn't going to stay around any longer to write up the reports, she could do it at home. Ever since her car went in for repair after an unexpected and unsuccessful car chase, Liz had been catching rides with Ressler after he insisted on picking her up and dropping her off each day until her car came back. Not that Liz would ever tell him and certainly not Tom, but she found herself looking forward to these rides as she found that just in these short journeys they learnt more about each other than they had in the last two years. And though he would never mention it to anyone, Ressler realised that he also enjoyed the daily rides. As they made their way to the elevator Liz recalled the evening where Ressler first dropped her off, Tom had jumped straight to the point as he accused her of cheating once more and Liz could only laugh as she told him he was just saving her the cab fares. Shaking the memory from her head she opened the door and sat down next to Ressler, who suddenly seemed quite distant.

"Hey everything okay over there?" Liz asked as they pulled away from the post office, usually this would be when he was chattiest. Ressler tried to pull up his mask as he answered her question, "Yeah, just thinking." He couldn't shake the idea of what would happen when Liz got home if what Red told him was true. And apparently he failed to hide his concerns from Liz though he couldn't have expected anything else from a profiler.

"I know you well enough by now Ress, come on out with it." And there it was, she was well on her way to figuring him out. Maybe he could give her a half truth.

"It's nothing it's just that we hardly ever get off early," truth "and because of that I was wondering what to do for dinner." Lie. Liz didn't seem fully content with his answer either but she let it go for the moment, she knew he would tell her eventually if he was covering it up.

"So how about Chinese since we are off early?" _distract her with food, great tactic_ he thought as he waited on her answer.

"As tempting as that sounds I'm gonna have to pass, I might actually be able to make it for one of Tom's meals for once. I do have those files you wanted that I forgot so if you wait around for a minute I can run in and get them for you."

Ressler only nodded as he returned his focus back to the road, _she'll probably end up wishing she took me up on that Chinese_ he thought as they neared her house.

"Okay I will be two minutes." Liz said as she exited the car and headed to her front door, she couldn't wait to have an early night for once and avoid Tom's 'you're never home for dinner' speech. As she entered the living-room she froze in horror at the sight before her.

"Liz!? I uh didn't think you'd ever be home early" Tom rambled as her rushed to get covered and somewhat hide his new partner. Was that the new teaching assistant from his school?

"Well I'm glad I did. And to think that you had the audacity to accuse me of cheating!" Liz started to back away towards the front door as she spoke once more.

"How long has this been going on?" Once she asked she realised she didn't care, she just wanted to get out. Picking up the files and stepping outside she heard his weak response, "eight months, look Liz I wa-"

"I want you out in the next couple days!" Liz yelled as she slammed the door and walked hastily towards Ressler's car. Entering the car she threw the files onto the back seat and turned to face her partner. "Please just drive, Ress; I could really do with that Chinese, and a lot of alcohol." He gave her a small smile as he pulled out and headed to the nearest take away, from what he saw he figured that Red had been right and Liz just found out. _Fuck._

They stayed in silence as Ressler drove on and Liz stared out the window. She had just lost everything once again. And although that was the case, she wasn't as heartbroken. Sure she hadn't lost a child this time round but as she recalled the last few years she realised that she had slowly fallen out of love with Tom, she had just been holding on for the chance of having a family again. _That would have been a sad life_ she mused but now she was at the start of what seemed to be a vicious cycle.

Beside her, Ressler thought over the situation. He had been hoping that Reddington had been wrong or was lying; he knew she had it kind of rough as a child and she didn't deserve this. He knew they were having some kind of problems from what they shared in the car each day but he wouldn't have pegged Tom as a cheater, the son of a bitch. He continued to ponder the subject of Reddington. Why did he tell him and not Liz? He wasn't the one married to the lying bastard and what was he meant to say to her? Hey Liz Red told me your husband is cheating on you just to let you know, God knows if he's lying… He had only decided to keep quiet because of that, what if he told her and it wasn't true? That would surely affect their partnership and he wasn't about to risk that on the chance that the criminal was lying. He decided that was enough of that and turned his attention back to Liz who continued to face away from him; she definitely didn't need this right now.

Not too long after, Ressler pulled up at a Wing Yee's and he smiled at the memory of when they last shared it. He looked over at Liz who hadn't moved for the whole journey so he guessed she was sleeping, and he wasn't going to disturb her now he knew what to get her.

Liz only registered where they were when she was shaken out of her thoughts as Ressler shut the door. She watched him walk inside and wondered if he knew what to get then remembering that night she smiled, he knew well enough. She would probably have to tell him what was going on but for now he wasn't asking and she was relieved at that, she didn't want to deal with it right now.

Only a few minutes later she watched him exit the shop with bags of Wing Yee's in his hands and as he neared the car he caught her eye and gave her a small smile. She was forever grateful to have him as her partner.

As he climbed into the car she returned his smile and set the food by her feet before facing back towards him again, "thanks for this Ress I haven't even told you what this is about and you've been a major help." And though he was sure he knew what it was about and felt guilty for not telling her, he just smiled before saying, "No problem Keen it's just Chinese." He didn't want to be some hero when he kept such a secret to himself especially when it turned out to be true, damn that man.

There was no way he was going to leave her at some motel so without another word he continued to drive but to his apartment, she had been there a few times before, he could take the couch.

It didn't take long for them to reach his building and no words were shared between them as they took a bag each and made their way inside. Once they reached his floor and Ressler had let them inside, Liz went straight to the couch and collapsed onto it as the day finally took its toll on her. Ressler only watched as he went to the kitchen to sort out their food. The comfortable silence continued as they started to eat with only the TV making noise until Liz spoke up a few moments later.

"I really appreciate this Ress, I know you're going to offer up your bed so let me stop you right there. You've already done enough." Ressler met her eyes with a smile as he replied, "it's really okay Liz you shouldn't have to thank me it's the least I could do after what Tom did." and both of their smiles dropped as they realised what he had just admitted.

"Ressler, do you know?" the relaxed atmosphere they had been sharing quickly vanished as Ressler prepared his answer. "Yes, Red told me and I wasn't sure whether to say anythi-"

"Are you serious? Why the hell would you not tell me? And why did Red tell you?!" Liz grew angry quickly and Ressler tried his best to calm her, "I was wondering that myself I have no idea. I didn't say anything because what if it wasn't true? He said it himself he's a notorious liar and if I told you and it hadn't been true? What do you think that would have done to us? I know that this isn't the case but how was I to know? I don't know why Reddington didn't just tell you himself."

Liz's anger towards him quickly dissipated as she listened to her partner. She couldn't really blame him; Red shouldn't have put him in that position. And with that, she realised who she should be mad at.

"Son of a bitch, why didn't he tell me? This could have been over sooner!" she didn't get another chance to speak as Ressler's cell lit up.

"Speak of the devil, it's the devil." Ressler mumbled as he accepted the call.

"What the hell Reddingt-"

"I understand that from that greeting, Elizabeth knows about her husband." The older man spoke calmly over the phone which only pissed Ressler off. But before he could utter another word, Liz took the phone from Ressler, "you knew and you didn't say anything to me? You let me continue to sleep with my cheating husband!"

"Ah Lizzie, try to keep your voice down I don't think Agent Ressler's neighbours appreciate your yelling."

"Don't give me that crap, why didn't you tell me?"

"I did warn you about him, the timing just wasn't great." Liz was growing impatient as the conversation continued, if she could even call it a conversation.

"Bullshit! What does that even mean?!"

"I have something important to discuss with you, Lizzie if yo-"

"Now you do? Go to hell." And with that she ended the call and chucked the phone on the sofa beside her only for her phone to light up a moment later. _Nick's Pizza._ She wasn't even sure why she picked up.

"As I was saying, I have something important to discuss with you, I'll be back in the country in a couple of days, and I will have Dembe send you the address of where to meet." And with that the room fell silent again as he hung up.

Ressler remained quiet and it was Liz who finally said something, "I'll take the couch if you don't mind." He wasn't going to argue with her after what had just gone down.

"Sure thing, let me get some clothes for you to sleep in we can get some of your things tomorrow."

As he made his way to his bedroom Liz managed a smile. She was definitely grateful for her partner.


End file.
